It’s been awhile. As it usually is when it comes to my consistency in writing on here.

So I guess the one thing that has been mildly consistent has been my inconsistency.

Wild.

Nonetheless, I’m starting to feel a little more settled. We’re in a 3-bedroom apartment, 1300 sq. feet. THANK GOD. No longer a multi-thousand sq. foot home in Togo.

I’d be lying if I said it was easier to keep clean. Maybe it is, but we have a little too much stuff that I’m playing Tetris with, in addition to a now ONE YEAR OLD, and our pets are back with us, so now its pet hair galore again, and I’m just trying to stay afloat.

I have a consistent grocery store(s!) within a more delightful walking distance. Maybe ask me in the summer, but at least it’s cool when I go outside now. I have a large park that I can walk Ofelia to for an outdoor nap every once and awhile. That I could be more consistent on, but most days it’s hard. I could also go shopping at every fashion store you could think of which is largely right around the corner, Zara, Zara Home, Mango, whatever else you need. And yes, if you’re largely into fashion like Zara and Mango and your favorite items sell out on the US site, I see them in store here all of the time.

However, I largely don’t. I’m not sure that I’ve been to more than 10 restaurants here, when they seemed to be sprinkled every few storefronts.

It’s okay. We’re 2.5 weeks away from four months here, and it’s gotten better.

Slightly.

I have a lot I could write about. In fact, in my mind and phone notes, I have at least seven themes I can dedicate a post to. I just transferred 97 photos from my phone to my computer to give life to my posts.

I just haven’t felt authentic since leaving Togo.

It’s really weird to leave a place that left some crazy, nice, and disappointing memories; to return to the US for only 2.5 months. And not just in one place, largely spending what felt like 40 years on the road all in three weeks.

Nowhere physical has felt like home. Sometimes not even my own body.

I’m certain that I’ve struggled heavily with PPA, even though those terrible and antiquated surveys they give you at the doctor every visit couldn’t tell. But how could they when a nurse stands over you as you do it, and you don’t want to come across as a complete wreck two weeks postpartum?!

So how can I write and hopefully bring a little joy to others, when sometimes it’s hard to find that myself?

I’m almost to a year of supporting a tiny human every day. There hasn’t been a day where she hasn’t been by me.

That is a privilege.

And sometimes, I just want to get away for two hours, and then immediately I don’t.

It’s weird. Really weird.

But we’re here. Everyone is growing and everyone is healthy. Even if the flu has been circling this household for the past two weeks.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that my goal for 2024 is to be more consistent, and present. Go back to finding little things that make me feel warm and cozy on the inside.

If you’re still in this with me, thank you. If not, I understand. I sometimes don’t show up for myself.

Hasta luego,

Carrie