The First Cut:

The visible physical reminder of where you grew, and where you left me. From instead being a part of me, to seeing and hearing me from the outside using your perfectly formed eyes and ears. The scar will heal and fade, but you will only grow and become whoever you want to and are meant to be.

The Second Cut:

Finding out about you. While it was, at times, incredibly lonely, for the past nine months you were with me. From being a small thought and unsure if you were truly in there, to a full fledged roommate. A roommate that gave me nausea, kicked me far too often when I tried to rest, gave me heartburn, and the list goes on. A roommate that made me feel needed and forced me to be better. And yet, even separate humans now, a part of me you’ll always remain, and those nine months were the closest we’ll have ever been.

The Third Cut:

Your fathers love. The excitement and maybe worry on his face the moment I told him, “I’m pregnant.” The helplessness he would feel when he couldn’t ease my pain. The patience he had when I struggled. The magic we shared in Amsterdam. Every time he came to an appointment to see you. The first time he heard the tiny heartbeat he went, “woah.” The first time he felt you say hello from the inside. To the first words you heard on the outside. To the first skin you touched and felt warmth. To the first man that loves you purely with all his heart.

The Fourth Cut:

The love from your extended family and our friends. The ones that were so excited and loved you from the beginning. To those that bought you gifts and showered you with love so we’d be prepared for you the best that we could. Your ancestors that we wish would meet you. I cannot wait until you feel it all yourself.

The Fifth Cut:

Two cuts closer to meeting you. Mourning in a sense how you entered the world. I pictured something entirely different, I prepared for it. The amount of times I turned myself upside down to try and turn you, to having doctors turn you, only for you to flip back, and yet, you were exactly where you were meant to be. And that trust is there, starting then, that you knew my body and my body knew you. Even when others and doctors didn’t trust it. The biggest takeaway is to trust yourself.

The Sixth Cut:

Realizing that our lives will never be the same. However now we realize that it’ll be more full and colorful with you.

The Seventh Cut:

The cut to the heart that made us parents, our hearts swell with love, our eyes with tears, and lives exponentially richer. No words can ever explain my feelings, then or now.

To my dearest Fi, you smiled at me this evening after I told you that I loved you so much. I hope eventually understand that my tears were not of any sadness, but my love for you is so much that I burst.

Welcome to our nest.