I’ll be honest. This letter of sorts, is something I wasn’t sure if I’d ever share, as I wrote it in the depths of 2020. I honestly hope my future children never really see it. Or if they do, they ask what the hell was wrong in the world for me to write this, and then go on playing safely on a playground, or going to the movies with friends. I can dream.

It was cathartic then, and honestly I feel like putting it on my very small platform may help me now. It’s really strange that the things I was feeling back then, are still relevant now. And the in and out waves of crying and trying to avoid the news is exhausting.

The news is just very sad, and at almost all times hopeless. However, at the end I’ll link some websites that are trying to help in the midst of all of this madness, and maybe that can help change things, even just a tiny bit.

This isn’t the post I thought I would write. But then again, I think people everywhere are thinking and hoping in some way that this reality isn’t real.

“To my future child,

You don’t even exist, but you are so loved beyond any measure that I could possibly fathom at the moment. I’ve dreamt about you, and whenever that time may be, I’ll be so filled with love and the desire to ensure that your world around you is unbothered as I can humanly provide.

And yet, I am so hurt by what’s happening around me that I feel the intense need to mourn what your future may be reduced to. I’m not writing this lightly, or with hopes that it’ll change even the most stubborn mind, but I owe it to you, my future child, that it remains printed, and that I can remember that this was once a time where I questioned for a moment what kind of world I would want to bring you in to.

I am living in a time where what they taught me in history books was that great people once said ‘Never Again.’ Yet the world wasn’t ready to take such a threat of what ‘again’ can happen seriously. Those people who have faced struggles due to financially powerful people have misplaced their fear and anger on innocent people that look a little different and speak another beautiful language. They speak ill upon them and punish them for wanting a better life and future for their children, just the same as I would want and do for you. Humans, like you and I, are facing challenges that you cannot even imagine and will not understand. But when you do, you must stand with them no matter what.

Your dreams will be loaded in the pens and pencils I buy you for school. However I promise to never let you see that I worry with the heaviest heart, that the day I take you to school may be the last time I say ‘I love you, and I am extremely proud of you.’ Those things would never change no matter the circumstance, but I’m not sure how I’ll prepare you or teach you that somehow you’ll need to be in the right place at the potential wrong time and what you can do to survive, all while being a child at the exact same time. Just a child, which is all you deserve to be.

I am living in a time when your ideas of autonomy and freedom of healthcare and choice are in grave danger, when simultaneously our planet for which I cherish is on fire, flooding, and polluting our lungs almost beyond repair. Animals that I know now may only be pictures in your books because of our greed and misplacement of our priorities.

I am in a time where I’m not sure where our country where I was born is headed. Leaders that have been elected have fallen so off course, and have damaged the trust in institutions that were meant to be the most solid examples of what a government can do for its people. While we have regarded so highly those that represent us, we must also remember that they are human. However we must always remember that these decisions about our future are up to us. Always.

My hope is that you grow into a wonderful being that sees the world around you, and you do everything in your power to make it a better place. Not for you, but for your children one day. I will do my best to shield you, teach you, and sustain you. But if I’m honest, my love and commitment to that will not be enough. It will take my generation, your grandparents generation, and every other one to recognize when enough is enough and that we have to stop being selfish to realize such a thought.

But you’re not just my child. You are the villages child, and I hope that my village and our world can cradle you until it’s time for you to do the same to those younger and more vulnerable than you. Until then, I’ll work and plan as much as possible so that all of the things I have shared are not your reality.

I can only hope and educate others so they feel the same and work towards that goal with me, for not just you, but for everyone.

You are everyones child, not only mine, but of this entire universe.

You will be, humanity.”

Everytown

Southern Poverty Law Center

GoFundMe for the victims of the Buffalo Mass Shooting Victims

GoFundMe for the victims of the Uvalde, Texas Elementary School Shooting

*There is one verified fundraiser for a girl Maite Rodriguez, who hasn’t yet surpassed the goal like the others have. If you are able to, please find it in your heart to help her family.

The Afiya Center for Reproductive Justice

I’ll be tuning out for awhile and taking time for me and my loved ones. As should you if you need it.

Until we’re on the road to healing,

Carrie.